Her fate

It's not our fault that we're married before you.

She stares at the ceiling. Watching the dust dances as if mocking her for being foolish. Yes, foolish. She tells herself that she shouldn't be mad. It's her fault for speaking her mind out.

I'm the only one who is not married here. Both of you are married and left me. There used to be the three of us. You made me do everything you want. Now that all of you are married, I'm being left alone! After all I've done.

It's not our fault that we're married before you.

She closes her eyes hoping that it was all just a dream. It was foolish. She knows she shouldn't have said that. It's not their fault. Everything that had happened was not planned by them. She knows. Still, it makes her feel useless. Foolish. Irrational. 

She tried.

She did try to be mature. She did try to understand, but being alone is not really that helpful. Everytime she is alone, she is reminded of those days when they were still together. How she had always went out of her way for them. She was always there for them. She had always gave up on her needs because of them. As she is closing her eyes, she remembers.

She remembers.

Those times where she had let them do anything just to keep them close. They cut her hair, she didn't mind. They asked her to join a dating site, she didn't mind. They asked her to stay the night eventhough her father half-heartedly allows her, she didn't mind. No, it was not bully. It was them being foolish together. She had done anything for them. She was the one to say NO the last. 

They? Well one of them was willing to do the same. One of them is still willing to do something for her. The other one? She was the closest one. Yet now, she's the furthest. Perhaps, she can depend on someone else now. Perhaps, she doesn't need her anymore. The other one doesn't need her to accompany her everywhere anymore. The other one doesn't need her to stay the night anymore. 

Perhaps.

Perhaps that is why the other one seems to be so far. She opens her eyes, takes in a deep breath and says to herself,

"It's not her fault. It's not any of their fault".

She looks out of the window hoping to find peace and calmness by watching the leaves dance when tickled by the wind.

"It was my fault. It IS my fault," she thinks to herself.

It was her fault for being born into this body. It is her fault to be given this fate. 

She misses them.